i just want to immortalize a poem written by one of my dear cousins recently -- when he was oh so broken hearted by this damn guuurrrllll...

damn girlsss.. always breaking boys' hearts.. ooopss! hihi! ;-)


why must all things that i put my heart and soul to slip away?
eternally, is the role of the fool, the only one i get to play?
as i try and stand, battered and bruised, after the onslaught,
thoughts waiting to be expressed, in my throat get caught...
as i look around, dazed and confused, after the squall,
gestures waiting to be done, inside of me held in thrall...
the life, the love, the sacrifice, the fight, was it all in vain?
thinking clearly rendered impossible by all this pain...
sleepless are the nights, miserable are the days of torment,
doubt, fear and despair devour me every single moment...
i gave my life and everything i am to have all i want and need,
all the rules i broke, all the threats i took no time to heed...
i had all i wanted and needed, i wished for nothing more,
now all is lost, the emptiness is tearing at my very core...
how i wish things would get mended and all will be well,
for i know not how long i can withstand this day to day hell...
but if this truly is the end, then believe me when i say,
i love you so very much, and forever that's how i'll stay...

we went out the night before and so our creative juices to have THE most exciting NYE experience was in doom... one wants to see some fireworks display. i wanted to go bar hopping, and my friends' company invited all of us to spend the 31st with them at this hotel for a company party.

so we hauled our butts to this hotel and ate and drank a bit.

now the guys we met the night before also wanted to meet up. so we decided to leave the party and meet them up at madinat. left the hotel at 11PM, after all, this is the middle east. they would usually stay at home, right?

wrong!

we underestimated their NYE celebration. we quite forgot that Dubai is comprised mostly of expats -- expats who like to party on NYE... like us!

and yes, the unfortunate thing happened... the one we all dreaded.. we spent NYE on the road! stuck in traffic! we could see madinat... we were so close yet so far! and the unexpected happened.

at exactly 12MN, fireworks erupted near burj al arab. it was sssooooo nice! approximately 10 minutes display of kaleidoscope of colors in the sky. turned out to be the great stuck-up in our lives coz if we were already inside madinat, we would not have seen it. blessing in disguise? hmmm...

ok so traffic is moving now. but when we were about to go straight to madinat, the traffic police all diverted us to another route! what?! the road is starting to look like one big parking lot. so we parked opposite al qasr which is like almost 2 kilometer walk to madinat... huhuhu... heels are freakin' killing us...

and when we arrived at bar zar, the meeting place, we could not get inside because it was already full. great! my bar hopping plans went down the drain. what were we thinking of coming in on the 11th hour?! sigh...

so the poor guys had to get out of the bar and we all decided to spend the eve at a friend's place. turned out to be quite fun in the end - all got drunk and chatty. quite a combination!

i feel so sorry for my friend...
christmas eve her father died of heart attack
she took the first flight home - 1AM on the 25th of December
and now, her mother might follow leaving her son all alone - since her parents are taking care of their grand son
it sucks knowing that these things happen to one of my friends
would've been a great christmas

i remember my uncle died last year - a week before Christmas
what's with the season anyway

and what bothers me most is that here i am enjoying myself
looking forward to parties and the festivities
when those dear to me are grieving

sigh

and i couldn't make up my mind which one i should attend.

i mean, this is dubai! and ad pages in newspapers and magazines are all screaming new year's eve parties!!! find it so hard to decide. me and my friends are debating until now where we should go, what would be the coolest happening in town.

there's paul oakenfield at dubai international convention center and ticket prices are way way way out of our league. it would only go to waste since we agreed to go club hopping!the fairmont dubai hotel has like 4 NYE events in one day!!! i bet they are strategizing now on how to man the posts! hehehe...

hmmm... what to do?!?! (with a pout and a thinking cap)

i still have 5 days more to go!

tis the season to be jolly
to be naughty and nice!
huh?!

just nice...

hmm.. hope good ol' santa won't forget me this year..
he kinda drove his sleigh past my rooftop last year ;-(

oh well, life isn't always fair!

thinking of getting drunk tonight
but it's christmas the morning after
and i still have my driving course
and hopefully pass my road test on the 26th

maybe i should ask santa for that?
or should it be the leprechaun with his pot of gold at
the end of the rainbow?

hmmmm...

twisted tales on christmas!

should not happen on New Year though!

they said New Year in Dubai is great! can't wait to experience it...

hmmm... who would i be exchanging smacks on New Year?! ;-)

now i'm regretting why i didn't sort out my mails when they started pouring in 4 years ago...
it's so time consuming... such a tedious task!
but then nothing beats the memories/ flash backs it brought:
1. letter of apologies
2. summons from previous boss
3. irate emails from clients!
4. feel good mails
5. not to mention the naughty stuff! (haha!)

hmmmmm... when can i possibly finish this. my starbucks frappucino is running out. adding up another one won't help as it is already freezing cold outside! no snow though... dang!

time for a cooch! but with whom?!

since i dropped by and said hi...
nothing much really
had a roller coaster ride...
i hope all will get better in due course..
they will..
insha allah...

i'm counting the days til i start my work on the 15th...
in the meantime, i'm going around in the city with a friend in her car.. familiarize the place... until i get my U.A.E driver's license and buy myself a car.. :)

am grinning ear to ear
when you called me "beh"
unknowingly
unconsciously
"beh".

Another blooper in the dessert land. After having lunch at home, Tita decided to drop us off at Mall of Emirates so Kuya Ivan can walk in at stores and apply. So off we went. Not familiar with the place, we went around in circles at the parking lot and decided to go back and make a U-turn at the stop light. We stopped there with another car also doing the same to our right. We were wondering why we weren’t getting the green signal when the others already had 3 signal changes. Then we saw a guy approaching the car beside us. He told the driver to move a bit closer to the edge of the intersection. Then the guy got back to his car which was stopped several cars back. We followed suit. Wonder of all wonders, we got the green light! LOL. Tagaw jud! It has a sensor. Wa man tawon ni sa pinas… miski molapas pa ang sakyanan sa pedestrian lane. Hehe!

Now we were driving around, looking for the mall entrance where our aunt could drop us off. Not finding one and afraid that she’s so late already, she just dropped us in the middle of the lot. LOL. Hala! Panganaog mo ug sunda asa padung ang mga tawo… Hehe! We were all laughing. We followed the traffic and finally reached the mall entrance. It was just so near.

The Mall of Emirates was really big and so was the parking lot. Kung sa pinas pa to, naa na siguro daghan stalls and food booths sa parking lot. Hahay nalang gayud!:)

We did find some stores with vacancies, got their fax numbers since they wouldn’t accept hard copy of the CV. While looking for stores, we also did a lot of tourist sightseeing. Makatagaw jud ang mag gwapo ug gwapa. Kung sa pinas pa ni, artista na to among mga nakasugat ug nakatapad sa bench. Hehe!

We also visited the Ski Dubai, a skiing and snowing experience inside the mall. Of course, experiencing it first-hand was so way out of our budget, so we contented ourselves with taking pictures outside the place – near the glass windows separating the onlookers. It was really fun for us, not only did we get it for free; our pictures looked like we were actually inside. Hehe! (if you count not wearing winter clothes as believable!) Haayy… when I get the job, I would really get inside that place and roll like a ball of snow ‘til I become the immortalized snow girl! Hahaha!

My uncle joined us later in the afternoon after his work. As we were walking around, I saw a big stuffed mammoth upstairs. It was a toy store. Not to be outdone with the other tourists (hehe), I asked Tito to take pictures of me and the mammoth and the tigers. Then we went downstairs, I saw a polar bear standing on its hind legs with the other animals. Naturally, I couldn’t resist being part of the big family so click! click! click! away went the camera.

After all the picture taking, we proceeded to Carrefour supermarket/department store. There Tito treated us to sandals and rubber shoes for kuya and some toiletries. He also bought a cargo pants. Then we bought this 4 whole chickens that looked like undressed ugly ducklings. Hehe! :) We then proceeded to our 1 hour vigil at the bench waiting for Geraldine to pick us up at almost 8PM.

Dull day. Bored and lonely. Just stayed home browsing through web pages and made online applications to companies. Already spent five days here in Dubai City. Yesterday was productive. I had two interviews and they are willing to hire me. I got a call this morning from the general manage of the spa here. I applied as assistant manager and they want me to start training. Seeing it won’t be a great career move and that career growth and compensation is not that great, I had to decline. Anyways, I’m still less than a week here. I still have the remainder of my two-month visit visa before it expires to find for a job that is rewarding and fulfilling.

I had a lot to thank for my aunt because she’s helping me now. She’s already a veteran here. I’m lucky that she’s supporting me here and that her friend is also willing to share her pad --- like family. Other Filipinos on visit visa are having a hard time. The luxury and bitterness of life are crossing their paths here in Dubai. It’s true that compensation wise, one gets higher salary and better benefits here compared when one works in the Philippines. You get twice or triple what you’re earning back home. But the high standard of living is also what makes life bitter here. If only people back home see what some here are willing to give up like a comfortable sleeping space and commuting under a glaring sun, then they might think twice of passing judgments and asking for a lot of things from their family in friends.

My friends and family here and back home are what keeps me going. And to you Avery, thanks. Knowing that someone is just there to listen and give moral support (virtually and spiritually) is enough. Its reason enough to smile and get by everyday :)

So I, officially, am single now. I didn’t cry nor really got that sad. I had a three-month transition phase. Anyways, he saw me off in Cebu before I left and it was such a sweet parting. But our relationship didn’t end with us splitting as a couple. Now we’re best friends. He knows me more than anyone does and understands me better than anyone else. There might not be a possibility that we would get back together as a couple but knowing that he is just there is enough for me. If and when I get another boyfriend, he might not understand at first and might not even be comfortable with the situation. But he has to. I’ll let him. After all, he might just get great pointers on how to handle me. Hehe. :)

tomorrow will be my last day at home. but i'm restraining myself now from crying or missing or contemplating what life would be... i know it's gonna be hard tomorrow.. especially on saturday when i put my trunk in the car and say goodbye to my family as they send me off to the airport.

it's gonna be tough on all of us.. me leaving the country alone. adventurous, but tough and heartbreaking... tomorrow is another day.

the world is small enough for us two. either you give in or i move out. i'd rather do the latter. i wanna see more than you care to dream. i'm ambitious, driven. i'm materialistic, egotistical. i'm generous, forgiving. i'm passionate, sensual. i'm rooted to my ideologies. i'm loyal to my family. i would kill for them.

waaang... waanng.. shitibang bang.. let's not get carried away, eh?

so what you say we leave this world and find the light? or maybe just move to another planet? or galaxy?

whaaaattttt?

i'm craving chocolate mousse, dark belgian chocolate. how would you like some whipped cream over your... ahhhmm... where would you want me to.. ahmm.. you know?

ladidum.. shikeboomboom...

i miss the JERS and Co., the JAMILU, my JBC family, the gossipers, the housemates, the chatmates, the friendster-messagemates, my volleyball handsome cousins, my suitors (ehehe), my flirtmates, my inlove-eloquent-weird-overprotected cousin, my officemates, my closest guy friends, my starbucks-pancake house coach, my gimik friends, my drunkmates, my dancemates, my roommates and neighbors in UP, my kalay friends, my YFC brothers and sisters (yes! if you don't believe), my beau...

achehe.. echoschuvalos...chenelins

cocktail hotdogs and buttered bread... pancit canton... nescafe ice freeze... jolly jeep kay manang levi... yellow cab, pizza hut, masas, eastwood, greenbelt, metrowalk, tagaytay...

swim swim swim... floating dead seaweed... haahaaayyy...

puerto galera, puerto princesa, villa christina, plantation bay, shangri-la mactan, paradise island, pearl farm beach resort, maribago blue water, aguila resort...

i'm already bored. give me more. the 7 deadly sins. would you lust for it?

blah.. blah.. blah... can you handle me? keep on trying.

yes... unfortunately for manny, i'm a fan of the underdogs... especially the foreign-blooded, mexican (bad boy) somewhat type.. haha. really, i'm just rooting for the less famous. that's me. always feeling for the less chosen. getting into trouble for the one who the world likes less.

me against the world fanatic. sometime in our life, one way or another, we do something that the popular resents, even our own blood. (but then this is soooo soooo far away from my chololo liking.. hehe)

well, everybody likes manny. the people's hero so they call him. he wouldn't certainly miss me if i head on to the other camp for a while.

like my little adventure in fourth year high school with a guy they call the black sheep. i sooo got myself into huge trouble; then my wild days in college (who wouldn't have a story or two that they would like to keep hush hush?!); and my recent life changing, soul searching tryst with jm.

looking at all these, they certainly don't qualify for the greatest deeds in my mom's book. but they sure made me who i am today. i may have regretted doing some of them in the past, but i'm glad i got past those and learned well.

so where does chololo fit in all these, again? hmmmm...

This day and time 6 months ago I would be heading for the door of my condo and meet up with friends at Eastwood or Ortigas for some drinks and a lil booty shaking. Wait! I already would be in one of those bars around this time.

Smirnoff ice. If the bar doesn’t have one, margarita will do. And then down one or two shots of tequila in between. Then head on to the dance floor and let loose. To cap off the night, we would go to starbucks or any nearby coffee shop. But if we’re short on cash, home would be the most likely place.

At home… on the couch… contenting myself with MTV/ MYX. No Channel V though. Hmpf! My hips are itching to dance to Shakira’s hips don’t lie. But until I’m under my parents’ roof, 9PM curfew sticks. That should bring out the homebuddy in me… But then again, quality time is what I’m spending here since I’m leaving the country in less than a month. No more home cooked meals, sleeping til afternoon. None of those comforts anymore. Waaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!

I just slept for around three hours when I woke up to a very strange dream. I know it was a very long one but all I could remember was the last bits and pieces. People everywhere. And not just people but celebrities (local stars). Pops Fernandez, Piolo Pascual, Jolina Magdangal – those were the only people I remembered unfortunately. We were all on a bridge. I came out from a tunnel. I was walking against the traffic flow. It was like market day. No hurry. All buzz. Some were on bicycles. I was walking towards them all.

Then the explosion. Bridge was destroyed. In ashes. Burnt. Yet there were neither dead bodies nor people writhing in pain. Still the happy faces I see around me. Then I continued walking. And I see Jumper’s Street (the one in Bosco were some of my classmates used to live). Then I see chopped images of Raytol, my HS math teacher; the stairs at the back of the school; the security guard opening the gates; then I woke up.

And my sister was nudging my feet, trying to wake me up. It’s her birthday today and she’s forcing me to sing for her! I just greeted her, “happy birthday” in my best monotonous, sleepy tone. Then she shouted, calling my mom and dad that her elder sister won’t sing her a happy birthday song! My God! I am sooooo sleepy….

How old is she? Twenty-one-teen… she so insists.

They left after a while. Sis still has schoolwork this early. Community thing. And I couldn’t go back to sleep so I fixed myself some breakfast and washed some of the dishes. My parents came back when I was about to sleep. So I greeted my dad (it’s his birthday as well) before I doze off. I hope I’ll be able to sleep fast. My nose is already starting to itch. Good night.

enjoying the good life without having to work for it. i think that's what i wanna do in my mid-30s until i die. but i have to work like shit... first things first: i have to find a work that will support my future lifestyle.

ambitious as it may seem but that's what i wanna do. eventually, we all want that. we're just getting there in our own pace and achieving it in varying degrees.

i wanna give my folks a house, a car and retirement money for each of them.... then i'll take care of myself next. haha! i hope i don't have to move my age goal forward. i'm not seeing a bright future... haha..

dubai is my hope. if i don't find a job there to my liking or don't get a work visa on time, i'm coming back here and try that surgetech training (hope i'm spelling it right). at least it's nearer to one of my childhood dreams of becoming a doctor among the long list of ambitions: flight attendant, manager, dentist, psychologist... blah blah blah...

gosh i'm a bit worried now about my future...

in a few minutes, it will officially be my sister and dad's birthday. yes. lucky that they were born on the same year. saves us money on the party. haha. yet this is not the case for my sister. i recall when she was in fourth grade, she told my dad to move his birthday to july 5 so she can have all the gifts and attention to herself. hehehe... well, that still holds true even to this day. why july 5, we dunno. she doesn't either.

so, what did i get them? nothing. i'm still thinking where i will get the money. well, my friend paid me up for some favor i did for her. but i'm still contemplating if i'm gonna use it to get back some of my jewelry from the pawnshop or buy my folks some timely present. i'm still contemplating on that right now.

i'm secretly hoping my boyfriend will choose for me. i'm waiting for his reply right now on the dilemma i subtly presented to him.

wait. hold on. he just texted.

............................. hmmm, he says i should buy a gift. ok. problem solved :)

i dunno what's in me but i think i scare the living shit out of the guys i just wanna befriend. do i come out too strong? a bit aggressive? or am i just not plain interesting? i think it's the former.

but then, i don't even flirt with them so how come they get the wrong vibe? can i not get some descent, casual conversation? does it always have to be filled with malicious -- let's make this less ugly -- undertones? i surely would not agree.

maybe it's still in our culture. double standard. or maybe they are just thinking way ahead. heck! i really don't know. whenever i talk to a guy with the cleanest of intentions, either they think i'm playing with them, teasing, or too forward and direct.

gosh! i can't bear this. i just wanna have a nice boy to girl talk... i mean, i have lots of questions i need to ask about guys and who better to answer them than those of the same species?! but i guess i have to trudge a long, arduous path... something i'm impatient to try waking on. i've been doing it since high school, trying to be careful that i don't send mixed signals or that i don't step on someone else's shoes.

truth be told: i'm confident, strong, and charming... way more than you or your girl can handle. i can play games or cut you off straight. either way, it doesn't seem nice. so if you're not reading the right message, you can totally freak out. fine with me. or you can just totally disappear. which will only be fine with me if i got questions answered before you do.

aaarrrgghhh!!!!!